For you my love I would die before the dawn. For what point is there in living if your ruby lips are not there to guide me.

I can not remember the last time I felt rapture such as this. A wore torn country belittles the path of beauty, of humanness.

Last night, when I surrendered to your scarlet, my wounds healed completely, my nightmares are no more.

You remember who I was before I became lost, before my smile became soiled with the dirt and grime of countless bodies on the battlefield.

I can not explain even now how every thought reminds me of you. Within me, your love is  like a white butterfly that flits back and forth, untouched by all the carnage.

Your love, that butterfly! Oh! how i protect it.

When all is rubble, shattered stone, the skies gray and the dirt bloodied. I could not take another step if you were not still there to guide me.

We have lost all direction, both forward and retreat brings no reprieve.

Today we lost another. Not to the enemy but to his own madness. He was simply found wandering in a circle muttering: “What is madness.”

We grasp onto our lovers like beats of breaths, crumbled, faded photographs are clenched tightly in our fist as we storm from the trenches.

You have no idea how much when all is lost, only love guides you home.

For now and forever you are my home.

Darwinia, please don’t go.

Much love,
Figaro

September 1918
A note given to Darwinia after their last night together.  Before Figaro was lost.

It is hard to believe how beautiful you are. Cascades of light don’t do you justice.

I don’t like it but I can’t help myself, magnetic pulls are not wise for old men who look for dimes under cushions.

I thought once that time made sense, that we progress from life to death. But on meeting you I realize, we progress from death to life.

From tin cans to soda pop. From smiles that last for miles to delicate kisses that belittle my simple gestures.

I’m a good man. Aren’t there many? Perhaps fewer than there once were.

I was once a rich man, at least rich in youth but now I creak and ache. Though now the aches are for you.

Your smile touches me. You should know that. And with it you unzip me from head to toe. The zipper always gets stuck first at my lips: though I’m brilliant I don’t know what to say.

Then at my heart for it is both bursting force and timid like a lamb.

The yin of you is something more.

I can’t tell you how beautiful you are.

I just know.

You are.

We search for freedom but often find.
The road we seek is double bind.

Filled with hopes but then despair.
But still I find you standing there.

And when I close my eyes I see.
The cracks inside still haunting me.

Words of which I can not spell
That rock inside these gates of hell.

Oh my love of what I search.
Leads to dreams as yet unearthed.

And as my heart turns to break.
I tremble for your tender ache.

On searching for love all stones are hidden.
Only when you stub them do you realize what was missing.

To search for love while living in soft silences is a beautiful gift.
For the satin pillows are comfortable on your face and heart.

As you turn and spin the joy of feeling lovingly human it creates an essence of bliss.
As smiles grow into mountain peaks birds and eagles begin to soar with the currents.

Your joy is felt from within like a foil wrapped Christmas present just waiting to be opened.

Anticipation creates tidal waves of thoughts and sensation that spin your tempest.

To fall into this unknown soft feather bed is a relief like no other.
Though the fall may scare you the landing is delightful.

Warriors paint with more than their hearts.
Their courage questions their soul often.

To tremble while sleeping awake is a path that few dare to tread.
Soft hearts and kind souls seek solace but find steel.

To quietly defend is key, for striking is often painful.
A warrior princess will seek communion before war.

She knows that peace surrenders to the wise.
And blood spilt for ego is best left for clowns.

The lonely path offers vision but sorrowfulness also rides this wave.
To find strength a heart has been forged.

That can surrender to the woes of others and still laugh joyfully.

A full life is one rich with pain. And one dancing with the delight of battles failed and conquered.

In the end a grander purpose is always known.
Though often its story disappears.

The guidance of a pure heart offers the song.

And when calling to arms her kinsman. She finds.
That the light always follows her.

And that her lead is always taken.

-For Vicky on her 30th Birthday-

I am here for you like always my love.
When tears fell down your face from sorrows past.
I wiped them away.

My lips trembled with sadness for what you were going through, but not a candle flicker could ever stop my resolve to clutch you softly, to hug you, to let you know that everything will be alright, that I am here for you, and you are never alone.

Abandoned by the side of the road you felt barren and deserted in those tumble fields.
You looked around and saw nothing but I still saw you.
I never take my eyes off you, watching you is all I know.
There is nothing else.

Nothing but to love and support you on your journey.

When your heart was broken into small pieces, you fell upon your knees crying out in pain. I held you within my tender heart. I hoped the sad smile on my face would give you a little more strength, something to help you go on.

When the door of paradise was slammed in your face, catching you off guard, sending you tumbling end over end into the streets.

I waited beside you silently. I took your elbow softly and helped you up. I was so touched by your courage. Your ability to go on is like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I’m graced to touch you, to feel you, to know you.

If you could see what I see you would know the gift that you are to the world. With that dusty wrinkled coat you wear, those eyes, and that smile that shines through me, right into my heart. A lighthouse guiding sailors home.

To know you is to love you. You make me laugh, you make me cry. Your ability to love and to forgive is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Nothing I can describe.

You get hurt, your mind goes crazy, but still your resolve is like steel, you’re never broken, you rise again slowly, taking one step, then another.

And if for some reason you ever do break, if you crumple like paper onto the ground. Do not ever fear that you will blow away.

Do not worry.

I will be there for you, never abandoned, always there.

I’ll help you with all I can, as a lover and a friend.

Sincerely, the lover within

Sometimes I think of a friend.
Who I always care for in the end.

It doesn’t matter if it’s months or years
I know that friend will dry my tears.

Days go by.. they often do.
Then I smile when I think of you.

So call, text or email that friend right now.
And tell them that you love them somehow.

I have tried to stop the law of cause and effect and I tell you it is not possible. Have kept myself locked up in a dark room for days at a time, have sat atop cragged mountains without moving or making a sound.

Yes I have become more conscious. We call this awareness. I have become aware of the moment my breath leaves the body, how it travels outwards changing the world.

I have been privy to the fresh smells of pine needles as they enter my nostrils, felt their pleasant essence meld with my body.

I have watched the river flow and become lost in the stillness I felt within myself.

I have severed all relationships to not cause any more trouble, to avoid the loss of love and heartache at all costs.

Things have indeed changed. I now notice with awe and wonder the intricacy of the chamomile flower floating in my tea.

I have found the tears in your eyes before they come, before your sadness and frustration washes over me.

I have spent no money and become poor. I have spent all my money and become rich.

And through all these things karma was still there. The law of cause and effect imbued in all things, in my body, my reactions, my judgments of my reactions, my thoughts and feelings.

Everything changes, everything is affected, every thought leads to an action, every reaction leads to a consequence.

And in the end I realize we are bound by consequence, we are bound by cause and effect.

That karma can not be changed at the level of form because even as you try to change something, that in itself is a change creating another ripple.

And now I see that we are not trying to stop the law of cause and effect. We are not trying to stop time.

We are trying to not react to it, but how do you not react when not reacting is still a reaction in itself?

You accept everything as being beautiful, you accept all thoughts as being powerful. You accept all aspects of yourself, your mind and your body as being wonderful.

And when you accept who you are without judging, who you are not. You become the world.

You are not longer affected by the law of cause and effect because you are accepting of all it’s aspects.

You become the ocean and you leave the sea.

You accept… that You Are Love.

When love surrenders to stillness commitment is there.

Our heart looks for love,
swirls in delight at its prospects.

It seems to become lost without ever being found.

However the deep seed of true contentment nestles within us all.

I search for this seed but perhaps only watering is needed. To discover that you are a reservoir flowing with everything.

To often we search for others and miss ourselves.

I suggest a search for both.

Love yourself and dive into the future, which is now.
One is then clearly courageous or courageously clear.

With hopeless abandon you’ll find your way.

Life lessons reveal themselves the faster we go.